


so close yet so far

by blazingstar29



Series: One Seccond Too Late [3]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Confessions, Crying, Drunken Confessions, Eggsy Unwin is a Little Shit, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake Character Death, Gen, Gentleman Harry Hart, Grief/Mourning, Harry Hart Lives, Harry Hart is a Little Shit, Merlin (Kingsman) Lives, Merlin Is So Done (Kingsman), Protective Harry Hart, Sad with a Happy Ending, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24438307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazingstar29/pseuds/blazingstar29
Summary: “You are out of your fucking mind. I thought you were dead, I grieved, I mourned. I saved the fucking world, but I felt nothing. Because you were dead Arthur.”"I haven't felt anything for so long."OrEggsy ignores Harry after his return, when they are locked in a room the truth comes out.
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad & Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, Harry Hart | Galahad & Merlin, Harry Hart | Galahad & Merlin & Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Series: One Seccond Too Late [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720033
Kudos: 38





	so close yet so far

**Author's Note:**

> This was a scrapped chapter for Lost in Time. I had the idea prior to starting the plan and I found that it didn't fit the plot and I was too lazy to rework the chapter to fit the plot.

When Merlin discovered Harry Hart’s survival, the men kept the revelation secret from the rest of the agency.

They kept it a secret from Eggsy.

-

The first time Eggsy saw Harry it was at the round table on Saville Road. Merlin had called Roxy and Eggsy to the table the previous night before and they sat unnerved for twenty minutes. And then Harry walked in with Merlin at his side.

The two young agents with their mouths agape. Roxy, the good agent she was took it in her stride albeit shaken at the revelation that Harry Hart most certainly was not dead if not down one eye.

Eggsy was a different story. He was an emotional young man when he wasn’t in the ‘mission mindset’ as Merlin called it. His face drained of all colour, his skin a sickly pallor. And then he fled, he disappeared down the halls and out onto the street. Eggsy made it to a public bathroom before his breakfast exited his stomach. When he returned an hour later, he was saved from the lecture from Merlin. Only because he hadn’t imagined it, his mentor. Thought dead for over a year, was alive. He entered Merlin’s office, red eyed, skittish, scared.

Eggsy took a seat off to the side, “that wasn’t me head playing tricks was it? That was him, he’s alive?”

Merlin turned to him, sorrow evident in his eyes, “yes, that was Harry.” There was a strain of pity in his tone. Eggsy didn’t say anything but his eyes told all. There was betrayal and pain. Merlin understood why. After years as a Kingsman agent his resolve was hardened. He had mourned the loss of Harry in a different way, a healthier way. Eggsy was a different story. Harry was the first person to show him kindness and an interest in his welfare in a long time and when Harry ‘died’… he suffered badly.

“How long did you know?” Eggsy asked quietly, his voice congested. Merlin lowered his gaze slightly in shame. “How long did you know he was alive?!”

“He contacted me four months ago.” Eggsy recoiled, like to he had been burned. Hurt flashed painfully in his eyes.

Eggsy’s face twisted with the betrayal, “why didn’t you tell me? Tell any of us? What if it was Roxy and Percival, would you have kept it from her?” Merlin understood what Eggsy meant, it was cruel to add four months of loss. But what he was going to say next, well, he had to tread lightly.

“Eggsy, I didn’t want to keep it from you. Harry did.” Eggsy’s eyes showed a storm of emotions for the next few seconds before a quiet and angry betrayal slid in place.

“Thank you, Merlin,” Eggsy said and then he left.

-

At the end of the day Eggsy came back into Merlin’s office with house keys. He didn’t care for manners, merely threw them onto a chair and left. When Harry returned to his house, he found it the exact same. Not a trace of Eggsy, the air con had been running as if to clear the house of any scent of Eggsy.

Either that Harry thought, or he wanted the house to be fucking freezing when Harry arrived just to spite him.

(When he told Merlin the next day the man scoffed and said he deserved it)

-

Harry took over the position of Arthur, it meant that at every meeting Eggsy had to sit to the right of the man who played dead for a year. Merlin kept telling him to give the lad time to heal. But how could he heal from this?

Harry felt like a monster, but he did as Merlin told, giving him space. Letting Eggsy come to Harry.

Two months went by before Merlin talked to Eggsy, to encourage him to talk to Harry. It is fair to say the topic wasn’t brought up again. Neither Eggsy nor Harry talked for another month. Not until they were in the gym during a lock down.

Harry came into the empty gym and saw Eggsy was beating the day lights out of a punching bag. Harry started his own work out when the lights when out. It didn’t deter Eggsy, he kept up his assault on the bag. Harry sat down on the bench, waiting to see what was happening. He looked up fruitlessly in the vague direction of Eggsy when he heard Eggsy’s shoes scuff unbalanced against the floor.

“You will injure yourself in the dark.” There, the first words he says to Eggsy in almost two years. And there was no response. Harry sighed stiffly, “honestly Eggsy your acting like the brash young man I bailed out of jail.”

The punching stopped and the tension increased tenfold before Eggsy casually stated, “wouldn’t have called you if me dad wasn’t dead.” That was a low blow, but he had seconds to dish out. “At least I know he’s actually dead though.” 

Harry’s frustration rose. He was doing everything Merlin said but Eggsy still blanked him, never Harry always Arthur. “You’re acting like a child.” That drew a laugh from Eggsy, but it wasn’t the laugh Harry was fond of. It was a laugh Harry had heard expressed around Dean or similar undesirables. It sounded as if he had started crying as he spoke angrily.

“You are out of your fucking mind. I thought you were dead, I grieved, I mourned. I saved the fucking world, but I felt nothing. Because you were dead Arthur.”

“Eggsy-”

“The first man I’d met in a long fucking time that didn’t expect anything of me, didn’t smack me around,” Eggsy sniffed loudly. “First bloke to show me some human fucking decency and you died. I lived with the fact the last emotion you related with me was disappointment,” it sounded like Eggsy was getting closer.

“Eggsy stop-”

“Then I find out your alive. But you made Merlin keep it from me for four fucking months, me and Roxy and Kingsman! So, excuse me if I’m acting like child, but you died Harry!”

And then it clicked. _Harry Hart died_.

_I died._

Harry took a step back. For the first time he imagined what it was like in Eggsy’ shoes as he parkoured through Valentine’s bunker. He had watched the tapes, even smiled in pride a few times. But if he listened closely, there was a hitch in Eggsy’s voice as he stared down at Valentine.

_I died._

“I’ve fucked this up.”

“Just a bit,” Eggsy whispered. They stood in silence waiting for something neither of them knew. Something to bridge the final gap, so close yet so far.

_“Gal-had, Arthur. C-n you -ear me?”_ Merlin’s voice crackled into the room.

“Merlin, what’s happened?” Eggsy asked, grateful for the distraction.

It took a few seconds for Merlin’s voice to crackle back over, _“Ha-ed. E-ry-on de-d locked. Sma-t enou-h to get th-gh, not smart eno-gh to s-ay in con-t-l. We will be up -nd ru-ing,”_ Merlin’s voice dropped out but came back shortly. “Fou-y min-ut.”

Eggsy and Harry couldn’t hear Merlin grumble, “ _Try and sort yer shit out by then._ ”

“You died.”

“I died.”

The silence began to stretch again.  
  


“I’d never really grieved before,” said Eggy. It was quiet and angry, but it was _something_. “Too young when ma’ dad died. Knew people who died, just never cared enough _care_.”

“tink it’s why I cared so much,” the anger was seeping away leaving raw and unbridled emotion. “Why, why did you keep it a secret fo’ so long?”  
  


Harry sighed, _why had he, really?_ “Many reasons, some I don’t understand. But the biggest reason was that I was unaware that the organisation I was rescued by, Statesmen was in partnership with Kingsman. There was no way I could have kept the agency a secret and get them to release me.”

“I wanted to come back Eggsy. It all I thought about for the past fifteen months. If the gunshot didn’t kill me, I feared that the knowledge that you were suffering would.”

Guilt stared to edge into Eggsy’s raging emotions. Harry seemed to notice it right away, “do not feel guilty Eggsy. There was no evidence other wide that I was alive, every emotion you had was valid.”

“I blamed you, for keeping it a secret.”

“For all you knew, I had been having a lovely time on Miami beach. Those feelings are valid Eggsy,” Harry reassured. Eggsy had lowered himself onto the floor and was pressing his nails into his palm. His emotions too much, too soon.

“I want to _talk_ to you again, but every time I try to say something my throat closes and I don’t know what to say. Should I be angry, should I say sorry? How do I _say sorry_?” Eggsy’s voice grew more frantic. Blindly Harry tried to seek out Eggsy, randomly waving his arms. Harry felt a hand wrap around his ankle, he followed it to find Eggsy’s shoulder. Harry had a hand on Eggsy’s back and could feel the younger man shake.

Harry knelt down besides Eggsy, “you have no reason to apologise. I would be honoured to be allowed back into your life.” Eggsy drew himself into Harry’s arms, clawing, crying.

“I’m sorry Harry. I fucked up, I’m sorry,” Eggsy cried harshly.

“Eggsy, I mean it you have nothi-”

“No, no. I mean the test with the dog, I failed, and it was a blank! It was a fucking blank!” Eggsy was in hysterics. All Harry could do was cradle him as he wept. And now it made sense, on top of everything else. The fact that he had died, and kept it hidden from Eggsy. Eggsy’s actions the past few months, he still felt guilty for failing the final test.

Eggsy felt like he had failed Harry.

“You have more than proved yourself within this agency and your standing here is absolute,” Harry said with certainty. Eggsy just kept shaking.

-

When the lights turned back on Eggsy and Harry froze as if they were caught red handed pick pocketing. Eggsy stood up and walked to the door, testing it.

“Locked…” He turned back to Harry with concern.

_“You’ll be out shortly. The manual lock has been placed on random doors,”_ Merlin’s voice flooded clearly over the speakers. He was right, within minutes Lancelot was opening the door. She looked between Eggsy and Harry with harsh scrutiny.

“Are you two alright?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy glanced at Harry and then back at Roxy. “We’re alright.”


End file.
